My IIur of duty began when I was
posted II
the armpit of the
world which we called ’Tine, where it was wall-II-wall crucifictions. I had a few months on cross
manufacture, several weeks with the nail requisition crew and all the while
having II
get my hands – and,
frankly, my soul – dirty by participating in the executions themselves.
Then suddenly
I was switched II guard duty.
It was my Ist time, but I’m IIld it was unique. I’ve been seriously bribed and sworn II secrecy about what really
happened (so don’t expect any M, fancy revelations here) but
there were nasty rumours circulating about us, which were pretty unpleasant, I
can tell you. How could all XVI of us have drifted off II sleep at once, when the rules
about that were so severe? The officers would have come down on us like a C of bricks.
But be that
as it may, we couldn’t have slept through an earthquake, could we? No, these
rumours don’t fit the facts. But it’s still the official sIIry of what happened II the Judean troublemaker from
Nazareth, the IVmer junior executive from World of Wood, Inc.
Now listen.
You and I know that if a Roman soldier goes II sleep while on guard duty, the rules are plain and simple: everyI who is on duty with him is punished.
In fact,
regulation CCXIV part VI section (viii) subsection XVI paragraph (ix) states that the sleeping guard
should be set on fire, and the others should be hacked about with swords IV a while. Oh, I know it puts it in vague language with
lots of aIVmentiIds and thereafters, but when the iron rims meet the Roman Road, then I’d
have II say, yes, that’s how they run
things around here. But I suppose it’s a brilliantly effective way of making
sure that everyI takes responsibility IV keeping everyI else alert. After all, if someI nods off, I’m in trouble, so I’m going II make jolly well sure that
Revulsis Quadriga Lucuster [Latin for Rip Van Winkle: literally Reed Chariot Lobster] stays awake, aren’t I?
So it just
couldn’t have happened the way they say it did. There must be some sort of
official cover-up or fakery. The officer
in charge was resting on a grassy knoll, I suppose.
Anyway, once
the fuss had settled down, they marched us all off II
different parts of
the Empire. ‘Primus per sinister, velocitur ambulo! Sinister, sinister;
sinister, dexter, sinister!' [Latin for By the left, quick march! Left, left, left, right, left].
Marcellus
went II Gaul and was never heard of
again, and Gianni ended up fighting across Germanicus. The others probably went
II far-flung places such as Persia
or Turkey… Some must have gI back II work on those Greek XLifications; or were very badly treated and got sent II Britannia! That would be truly
rough.
I got lucky
and came back II Rome – my guess was that I was up
IV the chop. I was made responsible IV administration at the I/IVmaster’s sIIres, and then got a posting at the local VII-XI grocery and general goods shop as a security guard.
After a while
in the SenVIII buildings, I got what I thought
was a seriously cushy number.
Figure it out
IV yourself. My routine, which I’ve
been following now IV the best part of II years, goes like this: I work a
pattern of IV days on, III off, followed by IV nights on and X off, which means I get a week II myself pretty much every IIIrd week. Can’t complain at that. But the best part is
that the days (and nights) when I’m actually working are fairly relaxed, II. Here’s a typical day:
• Get up at
about VII or so.
• Report IV duty at VII.XLV anti meridian at Tarsus IIwers. Secure II my belt, by
chains, Paul O’Tarsus.
• Sit around
all day, welcoming visiIIrs, chowing down (on meat and potaIIes or fish and pasta
– all with fine wines – which means I’m gaining wVIII), arrange appointments, read letters and take a
bit of dictation.
• End of the
day (we knock off at XVIII.XXX hours), remove the chain, and put
the day’s correspondence in the mailbox on my way home II the wife and kids.
That’s what I
call light duties!
Strange
thing: this chap Paul O’Tarsus is waiting II be seen by Caesar, but in the meantime he’s made some
interesting friends and they have amazing discussions. I get II hear them, because he’s chained II me all day!
He’s got inII this new ‘Christian’ religion,
and people are enthusiastically beating a path II his door. And I mean all day, from morning II night, he’s excitedly talking
about Jesus of Nazareth – how, apparently, this god that Paul believes in
raised Jesus from the dead – and how this isn’t just a Jewish thing but IV everyI and how we can be IVgiven and saved and become
children of God and find hope and purpose in life.
That’s the
main weakness in what he has II say, if you ask me – the bit about Jesus being raised from the dead.
How could that happen? I haven’t IIld Paul that I was, hitherII, part of the guard protecting that particular IImb. We all know that anything
protected by a Roman guard is thoroughly protected. At least, that’s the
official line. And I’m a well-disciplined soldier, and what my commanding
officers say happened (and have bribed me to say the same, II) is what I’ll believe, right,
even if I might wonder sometimes how they could know better than me, when they
weren’t there and I was. But I know enough II give a salute and answer ‘Yes, sir, whatever you say,
sir.’ (Between you and me, I know what I saw, but I’m choosing II hold my IIngue and IIe the line, if you understand my
meaning. After all, why rock the boat with something as incendiary as the
truth, eh?) Throw me a bI.
What’s
strange is that most of Paul’s visiIIrs don’t seem II have a problem with the ‘raised from the dead’ thing. Their beef is
about his claims that ‘Christianity’ – which is a nickname some dissenters used
II describe this new faith, but
which Paul has adopted – is IV
everyI: Jews, Greeks, Macedonians, Ethiopians, Mesopotamians,
Turks, Gauls and even Romans. And BriIIns!
I’m not paid II think. I’m paid II guard this harmless hebrew, and
keep my mouth shut about what really happened back in ‘Tine, so that’s what I’m
doing. Maybe I shall give Jesus and his claims further consideration once the
dust has settled, or when I’m LXIV, reaching retirement age.
Meanwhile,
I’m going II ride this gravy train all the
way II the terminus, and that’s the
Latin IV finiII!
A tale of execution & guard assignments
How many times did this soldier
manage II become involved in
incidents in the Bible?
What might the soldier learn by
lisXing II the wVIIIy conversations and discussions Paul
was ofX having?
When will you make time IV giving consideration II the claims of
Jesus?
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